By Purity K. Nthiana
Men’s mental health is one of the topics that is not discussed as much as we would want it to. This is because men are raised and taught to be strong and resilient with no room for vulnerability. In Kenya and globally, men are less likely to seek help for mental health struggles. They are told to be providers, protectors, and pillars of strength. But behind this mask of bravery and resilience, many are battling depression, anxiety, burnout, or even suicidal thoughts.
Every June, the world observes Men’s Mental Health Month, yet in many homes, workplaces, and social circles, the topic remains taboo. Men are often told to “man up,” “get over it,” or to bury their feelings.
This harmful culture of silence is costing lives. According to global statistics, suicide is one of the leading causes of death for men under 50. Mental health issues in men are often misdiagnosed or left untreated because these mental health issues are masked by alcohol use, aggression, or withdrawal.
We have to normalize emotional vulnerability in boys and men to create a society where men live longer, love better, and contribute meaningfully. You will hear calls to “check on the men in your life” and to “encourage them to open up.” But here is the truth: most men won’t. Not because they don’t want to, but because they don’t know how. Because after being wired to be strong and brave, they grow into men who carry burdens silently. Their Pain turns into anger. Sadness is numbed with alcohol or work. Vulnerability is avoided like shame. And so when you ask a man, “How are you doing?” he is likely to say, “I’m fine,” even when he’s breaking inside. It’s not just pride. It’s fear. Fear of being seen as weak. Fear of being laughed at. Fear of being misunderstood.
How then can we show up for the men in our lives and provide a comfortable environment for them to truly have an honest conversation on what burdens them? We need to ask better questions than the classic “how are you?” Sometimes, men won’t talk in words, but they’ll show up in person. Watch football together. Drive somewhere. Do something side by side. Silence can be a door to trust. The next generation doesn’t have to grow up gagged by masculinity myths. When boys cry, let them. When they are hurt, let them name it. Emotional literacy starts in childhood. Also, understand that not every man wants a support group, but every man needs a safe space. Whether it’s a trusted friend, a coach, a therapist, or even a pastor, create non-judgmental zones where men can talk without feeling judged.
Lastly, men will talk when other men talk. When leaders, fathers, celebrities, and brothers speak out about their struggles, it permits others to speak too. However, we have to understand that telling men to speak up without changing the environment is like telling someone to swim with no water. We cannot just demand honesty; we must make it safe. You can’t ask someone to open up in a world that punishes them for being vulnerable. You can’t expect honesty in a culture that equates emotion with weakness. And you can’t demand that men speak while mocking those who do. This Men’s Mental Health Month, don’t just post a hashtag. Start a conversation. Hold space.
Keep asking. Keep showing up.
Miss Purity K is a Reproductive Health Advocate at @NAYAKenya
